An example is the relationship status on Facebook, something I learned an awful lot about recently.

For the first time ever, my fiance and I changed our relationship status, the night of the big event. I didn’t leave a status update, a picture or anything else. I simply switched it from nothing to “engaged”. Then we went to bed. That’s it.

While we slept, Facebook went insane. The relationship status change had generated more “likes” and comments than any other Facebook wall post I have ever had, and I’m really funny and clever and always post really relevant things that people like (haha). In all seriousness, it was pretty crazy. By the end of the first full day, many “friends” back home in America as well as here in Korea had left their mark on my wall.

In my mind, getting engaged seemed like a good reason to change the relationship status. For one, the fiance pretty much told me I had too. But besides that, I do agree that an engagement is an appropriate time to publicly display the terms of your availableness. Almost as much as getting married.

But the real question is, why do people constantly change the single/in a relationship/it’s complicated type of relationship status? At times it seems like overkill, T.M.I., whatever you want to call it. Something to draw attention, positive or negative. Feel so great for me. Feel sympathy for me. To me, that status seems much different the the engaged/married variety.

I guess it all comes down to how much information you choose to share with the world. In my opinion, people should leave the extremely personal aspects of social networking to themselves. Instead, try sharing relevant information and making fun of other people’s opinions and physical downfalls and choice in sporting teams.

I’ve heard a lot of disturbing things in my close to three years at the same hagwon in Korea. Kids will tell you anything. Their parents won’t let them out of the house. Make them stay up late studying. Deny them any free time to play outside with friends. No TV, no games. Only kimchi and rice to eat. Physical harm… I wish I was kidding about that.

One situation in particular has really bothered me. Frankly, it makes me sick.

In an all staff meeting not too long ago, while discussing troubled students, the topic turned to students who cheat. We went around the room, ratting out guilty children while my boss wrote down their names. When a certain little girl’s name came up, my boss said casually, “Her mother beats her. I know, she told me she does. She told me when she brings home bad grades, she beats [our student].

She got a phone call right after it was said and left the room. While she was gone, I asked the other four teachers in the room if that bothered them, how non-chalant our boss tossed that awful statement out there, as if it was no big deal. The only person to reply was the other foreign teacher, agreeing that it was messed up.

A week later, I caught that very student using a cheat sheet of paper to complete the answers on a review test in my class.

In that situation, what would you do? Turn her in, leading her straight into the lion’s den of heavy handed parenting? Let it slide? Address it with her, but nobody else? What kind of score do you give her on the test, knowing that a zero score would alert the parent? Do you tell your boss? What if your boss tells the parent?

The intricacies of teaching aren’t always fun.

Before I tell you what I did, let me reveal the results of a non-scientific poll I took on Facebook:

-That’s tough. I would have done the same as you but that’s a tough scenerio.
-Yeah thats really tough
-I would have done the same as you…boy that’s a tough one..
-Address on the side with the student but don’t inform the parent.
-You should also have a conversation with the student as well…keep it between you and her but let her know you are watching!!
-Give the kid an A, cut the moms break lines just before you head to the airport.
-I would have done the same, but would have let her know I caught her and she better NEVER do it again! Teaching is a tough job friend
-Beat the kids mom.
-A for Planning, C- for Execution of the plan.. Sounds like a smart kid, needs more practice.. Maybe an accomplice.
-Apparently I cheated in school “break” lines hahahaha
-Once i gave a lecture about how to cheat and that s what happend: they were shocked, they found it hilarious, no one ever cheated in that class.

I let the kid finish the test. After she was done, I calmly asked that she give me the piece of paper. Normally very defiant, on this circumstance she looked at me with the fear of God in her eyes, knowing she was caught, and handed it over without a fight. I did so fairly privately, so not too many of the other kids would see. I told her not to freak out, and we’d talk about it later.

The next day, I gave the cheat sheet to my boss and let her know who it came from. I also told her I was deeply disturbed by her comments regarding the actions of this child’s parent, and didn’t understand the relaxed attitude towards this kind of parenting. I let my boss know that I was leaving the grade as is (clearly cheating did her no good, the score was 58/100), as to not alert the parent because I couldn’t morally contribute the abuse of a child, regardless of her classroom behavior.

When it comes down to it, cheating is not OK. At times, it may seem acceptable in Korea, a necessary evil as a result of this overly demanding educational system, but it’s not. My boss sat the student down and let the child know we are aware of what she has been doing (other teachers have caught her before), and any more of this kind of behavior would result in a phone call to her mother.

Not sure whether or not that would happen, but please kid, if you know what’s good for you, do your own work from here on out.

Teaching conundrums like this make me sad.

You can watch the video of this conversation here:

Pinnacle starts the conversation providing a straight faced, brutal historical context of the N-Word, while Snacky Chan fidgets nervously in his chair with an awkward smile on his face.

To quote Pinnacle, “This word came out of slavery times where black people were raped and killed and lynched, hanged by trees. A lot of times when they would get hanged, many times the mob that hung them would cut their genitals off, and put their genitals in their mouth. It’s pretty graphic right? Out of that, came the use of the N-Word.” He goes on to say that while some people believe it’s not acceptable for anyone to use the word, there are others don’t really care. He concludes with, “generally, it’s a conversation that black people have.”

After that, the question that he throws at Chan is, “Why do you feel that it’s appropriate for you as an Asian, in an Asian culture, that has no historical or cultural connection, or understanding to the use of the N-Word, why do you feel it’s appropriate for you to use that word on that album?”

Chan’s response consists of:
“I don’t really think it’s appropriate.”
“I haven’t ever used the word before.”
“I’ve actually been told in 2001 by another emcee, who’s African American as well, you can’t do that.”
“I guess I really didn’t think deeply into the consequences.”
“I remember hearing songs from other Korean rappers in the past, and they would say the N-Word, and I didn’t like it.”
“In this particular case, I didn’t really put too much thought into it, that’s what I wanted to say.”
“And to be honest, I use that word in my daily life.”
“I guess there’s no real way to justify using that word, but I guess that’s my explanation.”

Oh man, that explanation was weak, right?

My interpretation of what Chan said:
You haven’t ever used the word, you don’t like the word, but you use it in your daily life? I don’t understand. A black emcee told you not to use it, and his warning stuck with you for 10 years, yet you used it anyway. Other Korean rappers have used it, so what’s the big deal? Because you didn’t think about it too much, it’s not that big of a deal. There’s no justification, basically, you just felt like it, it’s what you wanted to say.

Pinnacle’s response:
“OK cool, I was just wondering”, followed by a bunch of laughs and an introduction into their song.

Hold on, that’s it? After the graphic historical context you opened with and your known disdain for the use of the N-Word? We heard you criticize Common recently for his use of the word, and he’s black.

Here’s the tweet from @iampinnacle:
I hate @common’s use of the N-Word n #celebrate. YOU r the reason I have 2 educate Asians on y u SHOULDNT call a Blk man a nigga. Thx Common

Not sure exactly what I expected, but definitely something other than, “OK cool.” To me, that implies that you’re OK with the answer, and I have a hard time believing that.

Perhaps asking him to clear up the flip flopping in his answer. Gain some insight into why he used it when he admits he was previously told not to, even saying he didn’t like it. Clarify how he used the word admittedly without even thinking about the consequences. Ask if he plans on doing it again. I don’t know, something.

Regardless, good for Pinnacle and Night Vibe for bringing up a controversial issue. It’s a great show, I tune in regularly, you should as well. Not everyone is willing to take on an issue like that. I would hope when a situation like that presents itself in the future, there would be more of a follow up, more of a journalistic challenge, rather than, “OK cool.”

A few weeks ago, I came out ahead, a little better than I was before choosing to sit down and write 50 words for Seoul Magazine.

It started with this post on Facebook:

Then I wrote this masterpiece:

Noryangjin Fish Market was one of the first places my co-workers took me to dinner. Since, it has become my spot to experience real Korea at night. It’s lively at any time, and if you’re open to it, you’ll walk away with new friends each visit.

Shortly after, I received the following text message:

It took a little work on my behalf, with the assistance of Seoul Magazine, to extend the qualification period of when the free vouchers could be used, but it looks like my girl and I will be able to successfully take a trip to the Philippines later this spring, thanks to Seoul Selection.

Here is a rundown of other prizes they gave away:

Oh yeah, I said “we” are the winners. My girl also entered the contest and won a fantastic prize:

It’s called Dong Bang. Translated, that’s Shit Bread. It’s a bungeoppang like bready product filled with a sweet center, and it’s shaped like a pile of crap.

The little character on the sign has a swirly load on his head. What’s worse, way worse, is that one of the guys working behind the counter was wearing the same fake steamy load on the top of his head.

Have you ever seen a more humiliating, outright demeaning, work uniform? Shit dude.

Why? Flushing TP is strongly discouraged in Korea. Instead, each stall has a trash bin to collect your used ass wipe. This excrement saturated tissue piles up, and it stinks.

I’ve asked around for a reasonable explanation, and the only answer I’ve ever been given is that the toilet paper jacks up the sewage system. It’s usually said in a way to make the American sewage system sound so bourgeois.

“Our Korean system can’t handle the toilet paper like the system you are used to.”

“Your system in America is designed to accept the toilet paper. In Korea, it simply can’t do it.”

You’re telling me, that the sewage system gladly accepts monster loads of crap, but it can’t handle tissue? I know for a fact it can handle other things, food for example, because I frequently flush soft food instead of paying for the yellow food disposal bag. You know you do it too.

Do the math. Something doesn’t compute. Seems to me we’re dealing with one of those cultural abnormalities carried over from long ago, and it probably goes a little something like this: Because it wasn’t OK to flush when Koreans wiped with cloth or newspaper, it’s probably still not OK to flush even though we now use light tissue that is designed to easily break down in water.

Seriously, plumbing has not advanced in modern Seoul, the technological hub of the world? The sewage system isn’t as lightning fast as the internet? This place has the ability to clone cell phone and tablet technology (and claim it as its own), but it’s not capable of duplicating the distinguished American sewage system?

Then I found this article in the Korea Times, which pretty much explains it all:

Kim Hyung-do, the head of the sewage disposal department at Seoul’s Jongro-gu Office, said there was no reason to worry about toilet paper in the bowl because it is designed to disintegrate quickly (unlike the newsprint which our grandparents used). I immediately thought the galaxy needs to know this liberating fact.

So, there you have it. Because the tank guys moan at the building owners, the entire country continues an unhygienic habit. It’s time to stop it and put the toilet paper where it belongs.

Oh Korea.

That got me thinking. Not only is this poo-paper stockpiling unsanitary and extremely stinky, but it’s also very wasteful.

Maybe you fight the power and flush, but I know you have looked in those trash bins and seen the massive piles of soiled toilet paper. The amount of tissue being used to wipe Korean bums is ridiculous. Do you use that much TP when you’re dropping it in the toilet? If so, maybe you do need to keep a plunger handy, surely it will become clogged. It’s not necessary to wrap the paper around your hand 9-10 times before giving it a run across your derriere.

Go ahead, try it for yourself. Determine how much TP is necessary to wipe and drop. Then, determine how much you deem necessary to protect your hand, parts of your undercarriage and every thing else out in the open should you decide to carefully maneuver the crappy paper out of the comfortable confines of the toilet, where it belongs, and instead drop it in the trash bin next to you. I guarantee when you’re placing it in the trash bin, you’re going to use way more TP.

I say listen to the head of the sewage disposal department at Seoul’s Jongro-gu Office, not the tank guys.

Save a tree and flush.

Every so often, it happens for 15 minutes in the afternoon. The sirens sound, the traffic pulls over, and for the most part the people stop walking as the emergency vehicles speed through the streets. What I learned today, is that there are citizens with official vests and yellow flags keeping the order, making sure everyone is being good Koreans by respecting the process of the drill. I needed to get to work, so I kept walking. You should have seen the looks of confusion as I strolled on by.

Unless you live under a rock, it should never be a surprise when it occurs. Seems that Facebook and the Twitterverse are alive with smart ass comments referencing the drills for a good day before it happens. Also, like the good American I am, my location is registered with the US Embassy in Seoul. Because of this, I receive periodic email communications updating me on what I need to know. To follow is a snippet from a recent communication.

Seoul Metropolitan Police authorities advised the Embassy that on Tuesday, November 15, 2011, at approximately 2:00 p.m. an air-raid siren will sound for one minute to signal the start of a scheduled nationwide civil defense drill. Pedestrians in open and public areas should move to nearby buildings or subway stations as they would when seeking shelter in an actual event. All drivers/vehicles on the road must pull over and come to a complete stop. At approximately 2:15 p.m. a second siren will sound, signaling the conclusion of the drill. Local authorities will give further instructions if necessary.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you, the civil defense drill.

With this post comes an end to the era of my writing in NEH Magazine. Shortly after I quit NEH in September, it was announced that NEH was throwing in the towel. I learned a lot in the 13 months I contributed to that publication and am grateful for the lessons that time in my life taught me.

Together With Bada

Her producer describes her as pure, uncorrupted, sincere and not naive. She’s all that and more.

Even though at this point I shouldn’t be, for some reason I am continually amazed by how welcoming most celebrity types are when you get the opportunity to meet them. It’s natural, I suppose, to assume the worst about a face-to-face with someone famous. In my experience, however, more often than not, the result couldn’t be more to the contrary. Probably the greatest example of this genuine warmth in character I have encountered has been my involvement with Korean mega K-Pop icon, Bada.

I’m fortunate to have spent time with Ms. Bada, personally contributing pieces of writing for her latest press kits and upcoming English websites. With her producer helping to interpret, as well as the mix of Korean/English skills we share, Bada and I have had a handful of substantial conversations during which I was repeatedly impressed by her generosity and all-encompassing kindness. Don’t just take my word for it. Whether it’s casually hanging out after a musical stage performance, an interview at a coffee shop, or helping on the set of her “Nawagachi” music video, released in September, the steady observation from everyone I’ve been involved with has been, “Could she possibly be any nicer?”

On the topic of consistency, if there is a phrase she has continually heard all of her life, it is, “You’re so lucky Bada.”

Most remember her as the famed lead vocalist of S.E.S., the record breaking original girl group that established the blueprint for female success in Korean popular music that we still see duplicated today. In addition, her solo music career consists of four albums and two hit singles, while her acting career spans successful runs with renowned stage productions such as 42nd Street and Legally Blonde: The Musical, among others. Her efforts on stage have gained accolades including recognition as Best Actress, Most Popular Actress and Best Newcomer Actress by various korean musical awards associations.

If you think that all of this, and more, was achieved merely through luck, you’d be sorely mistaken.

Though they may not have had much money, Bada was born into a family rich in Korean musical heritage. Her father was a traditional Namdo Minyo folk singer. Being surrounded by artists and musicians from a young age had a strong influence on her. As a result of this inspirational environment, music and singing came to her very naturally. Through years of respiratory exercises with deep roots feeding the spiritual aspects of musical creation, her father’s guidance lead Bada to the realization that music was something exceptional. It was more than just a pleasurable activity. It was embedded in her, as much a part of her being as breathing. Music had become a way of life.

From her humble beginnings in Bucheon, Bada earned the reputation of an extraordinary talent. She recalled to me her first influential moment of self awareness. In second grade, her teacher proposed a challenge to the entire class: whoever can sing better than Bada, step forward. According to Bada, when nobody stepped up, she asked her teacher the reason for making an example of her with such a public request. The response was, “Because you’re just that good. You don’t know?”

This awakening fueled the dedication required to further develop her abilities in both singing and acting. As time went by, years of childhood recognition would eventually lead to an opportunity to attend the prestigious Anyang Art High School to major in acting, further demonstrating her versatility in the arts. Because her family wasn’t financially blessed, this could only happen with the kind of hard work and devotion that would result in the highest marks, which she successfully achieved.

Her diligence and work ethic in high school caught the attention of SM Entertainment, which led to the birth of S.E.S. and the rest, is history. S.E.S. would go on to release five full albums, two special albums, and is, to date, the top-selling K-Pop female group in Korea.

Fast forward to modern times. Starring in musical stage productions has been very good to Bada. In her words, “Acting in musicals has given vitality to my life.” Not only has she received strong praise and recognition for success in acting at the highest level, but she has learned a lot about herself in the process. Take, for example, the role of Peggy Sawyer, the famous lead in 42nd Street. Often described as a young, naive, starry-eyed chorus girl, Sawyer also possesses the drive and urge to never give up until attaining success. Bada told me that this willingness to work tirelessly in order to achieve greatness reminded her a lot of how she initiated her own career. At a young age, she herself went through the realization that even though she may have wanted to quit, destiny would not let her.

This adherence to commitment is something that has never gone away. At the age of 30, she had to take a crash course in tap dancing to prepare for the role of Sawyer in 42nd Street. It’s apparent from speaking with her that jumping through the necessary hoops to so quickly master tap, a distinguished and physically challenging form of dance is something she’s extremely proud of.

Take also her current role as Hanbyeol in 200 Pounds Beauty, a musical adaptation of an extremely successful Korean film that was originally based on a Japanese Manga. In a nutshell, Hanbyeol is an overweight singer who is constantly overlooked because of her hefty physical appearance. Her remedy for success is to have full body plastic surgery that, among other attributes, helps her achieve a successful career.

This is Bada’s second time around with 200 Pounds Beauty. Speaking about the wardrobe required to pull off the role of Hanbyeol in 2008, Bada says, “It was very difficult to deliver the role’s character through the costume and the special make-up that I was wearing”. She adds that “The 30kg costume was something that I wasn’t used to.  It made it difficult to deliver my facial expression, body language, and details that I perform on stage.”

She spoke of the lessons learned by playing a character with image issues. “If you love yourself you will know the true value of you. I believe I was self-conscious about very little things” she says laughing. “Nothing too dominant, but after playing this role, without noticing, a lot of the doubts about myself mostly vanished.”

Intrigued by learning the moments of realization that resulted from playing the two previously mentioned characters, I asked Bada what her all-time favorite role has been. “I would have to say Esmeralda in Notre Dame de Paris,”, she replied. “The character’s purity and courage is just magnetically attractive. It made me realize that vulnerability is the ultimate unbeatable power.” Recapping the personal significance of playing this character, she continued, “Singing Ave Maria on stage was quite personally touching since I come from a Catholic background. The entire stage set and props were brought from Paris when I performed at Sejong Art Center. The gargoyles that weighed over one ton and the huge bell that was installed on stage really made it into a time traveling experience.”

On the recorded music side of her career, for the first time she’s working with a creative staff based on in-depth intuition and understanding, rather than focusing strictly on technicalities. In the past, everything had been so systematic. By contrast, this new formula is fueling ingenuity in musical production through education. Bada and her producer J-Path have a respectful relationship that doesn’t crush creativity. Rather than focusing on what doesn’t work, together they are working hard to bring out the hidden antiques; a process of dusting off ideas that have always been there but haven’t been given the opportunity to flourish.

This perfect storm of confidence in her abilities, enlightenment achieved through a successful career riddled with ups, downs and hard work, as well as her new staff of creative minds, has landed her exactly where she wants to be.

Her newest release is the “Nawagachi EP”, a project in conjunction with her affiliation with Good Buy Selly (GBS), a Korean Do-It-Yourself Social Commerce Networking Service. The premise of GBS is providing a platform for consumers to share information. Rather than being force-fed the concept of value, it’s GBS’ belief that the consumer creates the value of a product or service by sharing their experiences with other consumers. The result is a truthful exchange of relevant information among members of this social community.

Translated, “Nawagachi” means “Together With Me”. The lyrics pitifully portray those who can’t make a subjective judgment in the midst of the overwhelming commercial information that often inundates our senses. Instead of allowing this to cloud our judgments, her words suggest we think for ourselves by clearly recognizing the differences that should appropriately influence our decisions. In doing this, we personally identify with the value of something.

Both the song’s sound composition and the visuals of the music video are a throwback to the 1960’s and ’70’s. The drum sounds are similar to The Ronnettes’ 1963 hit “Be My Baby” while the minimal imagery is also reminiscent of TV commercials from that era. Another noticeable quality is a visionary attitude adopted from famous British films like Tommy, a musical based on The Who’s rock opera. The video also borrows color schemes found in Yellow Submarine, based on The Beatles’ music. In speaking with the director Marco Tessiore, less conspicuous influences are drawn from iconic the Trevi Fountain scene in La Dolce Vita, one of his favorite films.

Bada is excited to talk about the “Nawagachi” video process. “It has vintage tone and multi-cultural casting! It was the only way to provide an accurate look at the truthfulness of the song”, she says when discussing the difference between this and past video projects. Some of the props used in the video hold significant value to her. “I brought many of my personal household things to the music video set [so] seeing my tea cups, plates, blankets and even pillows, fills my heart with a warm comfortable feeling when I watch the music video.”

Consider Bada’s future aspirations in the metaphorical context of a chef. Abiding by a cookbook’s instructions, and using the best ingredients, will usually result in a delicious dish. However, discovering the meaningful relationship that binds the chef to the particular choice of additives can lead to a dish richer in fulfillment. By achieving this particular state of connectivity, Bada hopes to release the ideas lurking deep within. She aims to create a distinguished main course by carefully selecting the different elements and thereby intuitively influencing the process by which the entree is prepared.

Obvious good fortune is not what got Bada to where she is. That’s not to say luck and motivation aren’t common subjects spoken about in her circle. At this point in her career, she describes luck as the opportunity to attach herself to the emotion radiating from the crowd. What motivates her is the ecstatic feeling of performing in front of people. Both are defined by appreciating the joy of her audience as they participate in the performance along with her.

My grandfather passed away earlier this year. My employment contract in Korea wouldn’t allow me to make it back for the service. Writing this helped me deal with the loss.

My Grandpa Was Gay

I never had much of a grandfather in my life, which was something that bothered me as a child. My mother’s father, Harold, passed away before I was born. He’d had a heart attack in his 50s. Harold was an Army drill sergeant and ultra-conservative Christian man, with a persona much different than mine; I often wonder what our relationship would have been like. My father’s father, Herbert (”Grandpa”), lived in Florida most of my life. He would visit occasionally, and we spoke on the phone during holidays, but I never got to know him well. He moved back to the Pacific Northwest a few weeks before I moved to Arizona for a new job opportunity. I was a young man in my mid-twenties when I moved back to Portland, and I take the blame for not choosing to spend more time with him during this period in our lives. I now live in Korea.

Making matters worse, a giant bomb was dropped on me during an unplanned visit to my grandma’s condo one Sunday afternoon. Sitting on her balcony overlooking the majestic Colombia River, my grandmother, my sister and I watched the planes land and take off at PDX, the same thing we had done all those years of my youth. Grandma broke out her old photo albums and the three of us shared memories and reminisced about the past. I was known for breaking everything in sight, including knocking the Mother Mary statue from wall and kicking the ceramic Christmas tree off the balcony. My brother and his mischievous tendencies as a youth. My sister as the happy go lucky wonderful person that she is.

However when the topic turned to my grandpa, who divorced my grandma just before my parents tied the knot, everything got….well, it got queer. I don’t remember how it was brought into the conversation, but my grandma said that my grandpa went through a time in his life when he was confused. According to her, “He thought for a while that he might be gay.”

A million thoughts immediately ran through my head. You can’t be serious! How do you think you might be gay? Are you saying he grew out of it? I don’t think that’s even possible. If my grandpa was gay, than his relationship with you was forced. This forced relationship resulted in three children. Had he stayed true to himself, he likely would not have married. No marriage, no children, no grandchildren. NO ME!

Kaboom.

My aunt, this same grandfather’s daughter, has been openly homosexual my entire life. To quote the popular phrase from Seinfeld, “not that there’s anything wrong with that.” For me growing up, it was normal to my family that her female “friends” wore their hair short and looked like men. Everything was out in the open. I was taught that some people are born one way, some another, and I can’t recall having witnessed any negativity from my family because of my aunt’s sexuality.

That said, this is my grandpa we’re talking about. Most of my friends speak fondly of their grandfathers as the staunch, patriarchal figure in their families. A wise, rough, strong old man with morals and values from long ago, before our relaxed versions of those ideals were set into motion today. Because of this, you could say the romanticized version of my ideal grandfather would be the rebel like Johnny Cash or the tough guy like John Wayne. These ideas of a grandfather are certainly not gay.

Once I let those thoughts subside, it all began to make sense.

Where did he live during my entire childhood? Florida. Have you ever seen The Birdcage?

What did his “friend” do for a living? He sold shoes at Buster Brown. This is the same man that refused to drink anything other than Pepsi when he would come for a visit.
Nothing but Pepsi, and I think I recall copious amounts of Red Vines.

What branch of the military did he serve in as young man, fighting bravely for his country in WWII? The Navy. According to Wikipedia, the United States Navy actually considered using the notoriously gay anthem, “In the Navy” by The Village People for recruiting and advertising campaigns. It’s kind of funny to think about the use of a stereotypical gay fantasy for military recruiting, given the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policies that were later implemented, only recently to be repealed.

Last, there was the way he would refer to his feisty Irish mom. I can still hear it, “Oh Mother!”

Most males hold their grandfathers in the highest regard. When you’re a boy, he is supposed to teach you right from wrong and encourage you to do your best. As a young man, you realize this was person who molded your father into the man he is today. A grandfather can play many roles in the development of a man. Perhaps he is an authority figure. He is a friend, an advisor, a confidant. Most of all, he is someone you can look up to and learn from.

This is most certainly who my grandpa was. He was a veteran who bravely served his country. I frequently hear him referred to as the nicest man that ever lived. There was always a smile on his face and a giant hug to accompany it. He made the time to listen to whatever I wanted to talk about and encouraged me in my many endeavors as I grew up.

My grandpa died earlier this year. Not having the freedom to leave Korea on a whim, I was unable to make it back for the memorial service. Easing my disappointment was the time I was able to spend with him during my vacation home a few months prior to his passing. I’m told that in my absence, our family discussed the comparisons between his character and mine. For this I’m eternally grateful and proud to be his grandson. The character of a strong man has nothing to do with his sexuality.

My grandpa was gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that.